Thank You
by Sofia Merriweather
Summary: "This will never stop. I can't live like this anymore. I can't escape this and it's killing me." Roy paused. "So why don't I do the honors instead?" For Royai Day.


For Royai Day.

* * *

Some days were worse than others.

Roy knew that, yet he couldn't seem to stop himself from spiraling on those certain days. The anniversary of his parents' deaths. The date the Ishval War ended.

And tonight, the anniversary of his deployment.

Work was rough today, everyone anxious. His men had been shooting him glances all day as he moved around his office in tight circles.

Soon, it was time to go home.

"Colonel, you like to go out for a drink, or something?" Havoc asked, trying for a smile and failing.

"No thanks," Roy said, voice cracking. "I think… I think I might just go home and go to sleep."

He could feel Riza's eyes on his back but ignored her, walking out of the building alone.

* * *

The walk back to his home was blurry. He stuffed a hand in his mouth to keep from screaming, from pouring out all of his pent up guilt before he was safe in his house. He staggered to his front door like a drunk, and it was with relief that he turned the handle and collapsed on the floor just inside.

Roy put his hands over his head, trying to block out the sound of screams and the visions of smoking corpses. Now that he was not occupied his flashbacks were hitting him full force.

Roy cried out and a few tears splashed onto his hands. How could he make it stop? Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!

He staggered to his feet and threw open his door. Roy stumbled over his own feet as he ran away, away in any direction, he just had to leave , to outrun his thoughts and he just didn't know how to make them stop, stop them _please-_

"Colonel?" Riza's voice reached him through his stupor and he realized that at some point he had fallen to his knees.

"What are you doing here?" His voice scratched its way out of his throat.

"I was coming to check on you."

"Why bother?" He snorted. "This will never stop. I can't live like this anymore. I can't escape this and it's killing me."

Roy paused.

"So why don't I do the honors instead?"

In one swift movement, he had one of his gloves in his hand, and Riza put up her hand.

"Roy," she said, and the tears started streaming down his face again.

"I'm going to do it!"

Riza moved closer and Roy started shaking. She hesitantly reached down towards him, and he didn't move, giving her the courage to reach out all the way.

Her hand closed over his shaking one, over the glove inside of it.

"Please don't," she told him, softly. "If you do, then everything I've gone through- we've gone through- will be a waste."

He raised his face, shiny with tears. He felt a weight at the pit of his stomach when he thought of exactly what kind of a role she'd had- has in all of this, the burns on her back. But still, he wanted to wrench his hands out of hers and snap and do them both a favor.

But he looked up and her amber eyes were calm, comforting. He dropped the glove and rolled back onto his heels.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what, sir?"

Oh, there was plenty he'd like to know- how does she get to him, how does she keep him sane, why does she stay, why does she care about someone like him- but he asked none of those questions.

"How do you stay sane?"

She pressed her lips together and looked up towards the billowing clouds.

"Well, sir, I have a goal and people that need me." She looked into his lost eyes, and her voice cracked a bit. "That's all I really need."

At that moment, Roy wanted to tackle her to the ground, to kiss her and hug her and love her until all her pain was gone and she didn't have to _worry_ anymore and all she could see was sunshine, no more of this goddamn rain. And he'd see her smile.

But he did none of it. There was always an excuse- we're officer and subordinate, it's not the right time, we need to wait- so Roy stood on shaky legs, the mask clicking back into place.

But as they left, together, Roy cracked through that mask for a moment.

He stopped.

"Sir?"

He didn't turn around.

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

So he didn't see her small smile.

"It's my job, sir."

And they walked on, into tomorrow.


End file.
